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mayoraaseiYou know the movie is going just perfect - smelling like overbaked junk food and oozing luscious cheese - when 30 seconds and 2 lines into the movie, I'm already sniggering away in my chair.
So the basic story is this: a vampire who thinks eating animals is vegetarianism falls in love with his food, Bella. He is fascinated by her lack of brain activity. He is confused by this stupid idea so he eyebrows her a lot and opens his eyes really widely at her, as well as climbing into her bedroom every night to watch her sleep. Apparently Bella finds this incredibly charming and declares eternal love for him, even when he revealed his deepest, darkest, most terrible and terrifying secret..........he SPARKLES in the sun.
I sniggered so much in the first 40 minutes that I got tired and watched the rest of it in a consciousness state close to comatose. I would have felt sorry for the couple in the row in front of us whom we drove away with our unsuppressible chortling, but unfortunately nothing in this movie inspired an ounce of sympathy in me.
After 1.5 hours of watching the two lead actors contorting their facial muscles into unsuccessful representations of "love", something finally interesting happens with a chase across the country in a bid to escape from the obligatory crazy vampire.
Except this attempt at plot was so lame and illogical that it was nearly as bad as the Prince Caspian idea of a "plot". So when James wanted to kill Bella, they decided to SPLIT up the nice vampires and send Bella away with two of them while the rest of them led James the other way...and in the end, when James caught Bella they had to all rush back and band together to confront James and defeat him.
So er...why not just stick together in the first place and kill the guy already?!
I feel so sorry for Rob Pattinson. He has such a sweet smile. I think that's why I really liked him as Cedric - the sort of sincere niceness, the easy smile, the slight hint of adolescent clumsiness. Pattinson never gets into the role of Edward properly - not that I've read the book, but considering this book is pretty much every stupid shoujo manga I've ever hated, I can guess - and every now and then he slips into that Cedric-ness, and unfortunately those were his most charming moments =__=; Whenever he's trying to be Edward, he just glares and glowers and lowers his eyebrows meaningfully and his eyes look like they'll pop out of their sockets.
I know Stewart makes an effort of trying to make Bella less annoying. I bet Bella's a lot more unruffled than she is in the book, but nevertheless...there must be something wrong with the main characters when one's cheering for the villain.
I have nothing to say about the other characters except that I ended up liking James (the villain), who gave off that dangerous bestial aura of a predator on hunt. The "nice" vampires just look like a bunch of kids who are in desperate need of a lesson in how to use makeup properly.
It must also be said that Bella and Edward had negative onscreen chemistry. Perhaps that justified the director using such extreme measures to fill up the time with numerous pans and closeups and spinning shots of grass and trees and leaves and more trees.
And finally, I can't believe people actually clapped for the stupid thing when the credits rolled. Perhaps it was an act of sympathy, that the actors had to do such insult to their intelligence to see this through.
(It's good, I haven't been able to sink my - aha - fangs into something as juicy as this in a while.)
So the basic story is this: a vampire who thinks eating animals is vegetarianism falls in love with his food, Bella. He is fascinated by her lack of brain activity. He is confused by this stupid idea so he eyebrows her a lot and opens his eyes really widely at her, as well as climbing into her bedroom every night to watch her sleep. Apparently Bella finds this incredibly charming and declares eternal love for him, even when he revealed his deepest, darkest, most terrible and terrifying secret..........he SPARKLES in the sun.
I sniggered so much in the first 40 minutes that I got tired and watched the rest of it in a consciousness state close to comatose. I would have felt sorry for the couple in the row in front of us whom we drove away with our unsuppressible chortling, but unfortunately nothing in this movie inspired an ounce of sympathy in me.
After 1.5 hours of watching the two lead actors contorting their facial muscles into unsuccessful representations of "love", something finally interesting happens with a chase across the country in a bid to escape from the obligatory crazy vampire.
Except this attempt at plot was so lame and illogical that it was nearly as bad as the Prince Caspian idea of a "plot". So when James wanted to kill Bella, they decided to SPLIT up the nice vampires and send Bella away with two of them while the rest of them led James the other way...and in the end, when James caught Bella they had to all rush back and band together to confront James and defeat him.
So er...why not just stick together in the first place and kill the guy already?!
I feel so sorry for Rob Pattinson. He has such a sweet smile. I think that's why I really liked him as Cedric - the sort of sincere niceness, the easy smile, the slight hint of adolescent clumsiness. Pattinson never gets into the role of Edward properly - not that I've read the book, but considering this book is pretty much every stupid shoujo manga I've ever hated, I can guess - and every now and then he slips into that Cedric-ness, and unfortunately those were his most charming moments =__=; Whenever he's trying to be Edward, he just glares and glowers and lowers his eyebrows meaningfully and his eyes look like they'll pop out of their sockets.
I know Stewart makes an effort of trying to make Bella less annoying. I bet Bella's a lot more unruffled than she is in the book, but nevertheless...there must be something wrong with the main characters when one's cheering for the villain.
I have nothing to say about the other characters except that I ended up liking James (the villain), who gave off that dangerous bestial aura of a predator on hunt. The "nice" vampires just look like a bunch of kids who are in desperate need of a lesson in how to use makeup properly.
It must also be said that Bella and Edward had negative onscreen chemistry. Perhaps that justified the director using such extreme measures to fill up the time with numerous pans and closeups and spinning shots of grass and trees and leaves and more trees.
And finally, I can't believe people actually clapped for the stupid thing when the credits rolled. Perhaps it was an act of sympathy, that the actors had to do such insult to their intelligence to see this through.
(It's good, I haven't been able to sink my - aha - fangs into something as juicy as this in a while.)
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no subject
Date: 2008-12-16 03:05 pm (UTC)The sparkles were terrible. WOW EXCESS BODY GLITTER. HOW IS THAT BEAUTIFUL??
I kept groaning throughout the movie, there were so many bad, trite lines. The worse part is, my brother's 14/15 year old girlfriend apparently really loved the movie. Ugh.
no subject
Date: 2008-12-18 05:31 am (UTC)I really do think the crew and actors working on the film tried everything to make this any less stupid, but unfortunately Meyer's awful story effortlessly buffeted all such good intentions =__=;
Yes. Well. People applauded the screening =__= WTF they got tofu in their brain or something? =__=++
no subject
Date: 2008-12-18 09:38 am (UTC)