pirates of the what?
30 May 2007 07:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mayoraaseiAfter sitting through 3 hours worth of misty oceans and crackling ship, I have come to full agreement with this review except for the Star Wars quip. Nothing quite beats SW like SW.
I can't believe the overwhelming feeling as I watched it was....bored.
Uh, okay, yeah, we can see that you have a magnificent budget and a wonderful team of computer animators. By the time, however, the Black Pearl gets cannonballed for the nth time, I was wishing you spent the money somewhere else, like a better SCRIPT.
Someone went mad with the special effects and forgot the appeal of the first movie - carried a lot more on smart dialogue, and clever cutting between physical and verbal sparring.
Someone also went mad with the casting, and thought that many meant merry, then killed them all off in pathetic, useless, pointless deaths that made you wonder why the characters were in the movie in the first place if all they did was........stomp around in really ugly clothing until they became cannon fodder.
And I'm not talking about minor characters like ugly-wart-face-one or ugly-pox-face-two, I'm talking about major characters who ended up, in the analogy of a chess game, as nothing more than the black and white squares on the board.
Yeah, that's how sad they were.
People like Sao Feng and Norrington and Calypso were nothing more than expensive plot devices to move the main characters somewhere - but the same results could have been achieved without their existence. And it would probably have been a lot more cleverer, funnier, tenser and spirited.
Good god, even Barbossa didn't need to exist. Although I liked him. He was probably the only one who's funny in the film, achieved through a perfectly maintained gravitas.
And damn it, for the entire movie, the only two characters who grew on me were two I disliked in the first film - Barbossa and good ol' Will.
GOD DAMN IT WHY DO THAT TO WILL?!?! IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!!!!!! I know there was talk of kicking Orlando Bloom off the cast for any (potential) sequels, but this is just farking stupid!!!
(Apparently there's a bit after the credits showing Will and Elizabeth meeting after ten years, with Will's son in tow.....which I think is utterly sneakily bastardly of the producer considering how goddamn long the credits were.)
FARK, it's so annoying. There was no poignancy in any of the deaths. Major characters died, and we couldn't be made to give a damn.
And I don't understand why, given that the two movies were shot back to back, I found the second movie infinitely more fun in the action scenes than the third one.
In conclusion, the movie's totally screwed up. It was certainly worth the money in cinematic minutes so watch it at your bladder's peril - but, like one Jack Sparrow, drop your brain at the door.
Forecast for the sequel: Jack and Barbossa and Elizabeth fight each other over the Fountain of Youth, which turns out to be under Calypso's control, who is not too happy considering Davy Jones is dead. In the confusion, Elizabeth loses Will's heart, which gets eaten by a monkey. Blame everything on the monkey.
I can't believe the overwhelming feeling as I watched it was....bored.
Uh, okay, yeah, we can see that you have a magnificent budget and a wonderful team of computer animators. By the time, however, the Black Pearl gets cannonballed for the nth time, I was wishing you spent the money somewhere else, like a better SCRIPT.
Someone went mad with the special effects and forgot the appeal of the first movie - carried a lot more on smart dialogue, and clever cutting between physical and verbal sparring.
Someone also went mad with the casting, and thought that many meant merry, then killed them all off in pathetic, useless, pointless deaths that made you wonder why the characters were in the movie in the first place if all they did was........stomp around in really ugly clothing until they became cannon fodder.
And I'm not talking about minor characters like ugly-wart-face-one or ugly-pox-face-two, I'm talking about major characters who ended up, in the analogy of a chess game, as nothing more than the black and white squares on the board.
Yeah, that's how sad they were.
People like Sao Feng and Norrington and Calypso were nothing more than expensive plot devices to move the main characters somewhere - but the same results could have been achieved without their existence. And it would probably have been a lot more cleverer, funnier, tenser and spirited.
Good god, even Barbossa didn't need to exist. Although I liked him. He was probably the only one who's funny in the film, achieved through a perfectly maintained gravitas.
And damn it, for the entire movie, the only two characters who grew on me were two I disliked in the first film - Barbossa and good ol' Will.
GOD DAMN IT WHY DO THAT TO WILL?!?! IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE!!!!!!! I know there was talk of kicking Orlando Bloom off the cast for any (potential) sequels, but this is just farking stupid!!!
(Apparently there's a bit after the credits showing Will and Elizabeth meeting after ten years, with Will's son in tow.....which I think is utterly sneakily bastardly of the producer considering how goddamn long the credits were.)
FARK, it's so annoying. There was no poignancy in any of the deaths. Major characters died, and we couldn't be made to give a damn.
And I don't understand why, given that the two movies were shot back to back, I found the second movie infinitely more fun in the action scenes than the third one.
In conclusion, the movie's totally screwed up. It was certainly worth the money in cinematic minutes so watch it at your bladder's peril - but, like one Jack Sparrow, drop your brain at the door.
Forecast for the sequel: Jack and Barbossa and Elizabeth fight each other over the Fountain of Youth, which turns out to be under Calypso's control, who is not too happy considering Davy Jones is dead. In the confusion, Elizabeth loses Will's heart, which gets eaten by a monkey. Blame everything on the monkey.
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no subject
Date: 2007-05-30 10:23 am (UTC)*runs away*
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Date: 2007-05-30 10:32 am (UTC)The water pistol thing would have been funny if the first shot was fired for a good reason.
Haha, I liked it when Will said with his earnest, optimistic Will face, "How about you two both go on shore and leave me in charge of the ship? ..." Beams......................Looks at everyone glaring at him......adds, "....................................................................Temporarily."
And the telescope thing was such a dick measuring contest ==;;;;;;;;;;;;;
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Date: 2007-05-30 10:41 am (UTC)basically when the telescope bits came on, people chuckled a little. EXCEPT for two of my friends in the row in front.. their chairs were shaking and they were laughing MUCH too hard and for far too long. eventually I started cracking up, as one does, when they see someone laughing for no really good reason.
hehe, the second water pistol shot was the one I liked the most :D they looked like they were thinking "oh, it's not loaded with anything but water. I wonder if mine is loaded with water too? I shall test it out by SHOOTING someone with it!" XD XD XD XD!
^^ will is so.. XD
and incidentally, yeah the bit at the end was =_=|| (I wonder what will would have thought, if elizabeth (and hence later his son) had died during childbirth, and he had found no one when he came back..?)
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Date: 2007-05-30 11:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-30 10:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-30 10:42 am (UTC)Jack: You may throw my hat, if you like.
Gibbs happily throws hat with a whoop.
Jack glares at Gibbs.
Jack: Now go down and get it.
Also the (can't remember clearly)
Barbossa: We will find the Fountain of Youth!
Barbossa unravels map with a relish. Everyone looks down and facefaults.
Barbossa looks down at gaping hole and his face twitches.
Barbossa: DAMN JACK SPARROW!!!!
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Date: 2007-05-30 11:33 am (UTC)speaking of elizabeth and her son.. how do we even know his father is wil? ;D I don't trust her :P
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Date: 2007-05-30 11:58 am (UTC)Jack is so smart XDDD
Elizabeth: Jack, it never would have worked between us.
Jack: You can keep on tryna tellin' yourself that.
Elizabeth: Oh Jack...*Moves closer*
Jack: No, once is quite enough.
WELL DAMN WELL IT IS!! Considering her last kiss sent him to Davy Jones's locker, which seemed more like a land of anti-Death to be honest ==;
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Date: 2007-05-30 12:02 pm (UTC)and jack didn't seem tormented. just very very confused. (which doesn't really mean much, since there were times when he was very very confused before and after he was in the locker also XD)
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Date: 2007-05-30 12:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-31 03:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-31 06:18 am (UTC)Oh! And don't forget the world's smartest, sweetest and cutest crabs!!! XDD I want my own horde!
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Date: 2007-05-31 07:33 am (UTC)..ps, I want a green one :D
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Date: 2007-05-30 10:46 am (UTC)I thought it was like Scary movie meet titanic =P
And wayyyy too many things that defy logic...(ok its not meant to make sense but there are just too damn many of them!!)
For starters the firearms industry should be pleased that over the course of couple hours the crew managed to make gun powder water proof. Anyway theres heaps more but I cbb, dont want to start disliking it. After all though I thought it was stupid, it was still entertaining!
Gotta be disapointed at the music score though, what happened to that kickass Waltz??? there wasnt any thing memorable musically in PotC3!! >.<
I named it Pirates of the Crabs - at Sanity's End XD
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Date: 2007-05-30 10:47 am (UTC)That dumbass fool just stood there....there were 100+ cannons on his bloody ship and he just stood there!!! like seriously...
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Date: 2007-05-30 10:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-30 11:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-30 11:25 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-05-30 11:30 am (UTC)